Mortal Questions
by Night Nymph
Summary: During a night of research at the Magic Box, a visitor has an interesting story to tell about Spike. Complete. Feedback appreciated. Updated and completely revised 6 Nov 2003.


**Name:** Night Nymph

**Disclaimers:** All characters except Jane belong to Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, and anyone else who has a legitimate claim. The back story is also theirs

**Notes:** Thanks must go to Peroxide Addict who beta'd the original version of this story.

This story takes place after "Normal Again"

**Summary:** A research night at the Magic Box is interrupted by someone who has an interesting story to tell about Spike.

**Mortal Questions**

Buffy was annoyed. She wanted to go down to the demon bar and beat some information out of the slimy patrons. She wanted to go to the cemetery and stake some vampires. Heck, even an approaching apocalypse to avoid sounded tempting. Sulking, she selected another musty book. Giles should be here to do the research. He actually liked musty books. He enjoyed them so much that she only had to promise him that she'd be careful and he'd let her go while he finished his research in peace. Too bad her friends didn't fall for that one anymore. They'd said that she shouldn't go charging into action without any preparation. Of course they'd suggested that she could ask Spike to go with her as back up, but she nixed the idea - almost too quickly - and had to cover for herself. She didn't want them to know about the falling out that she and the vampire had or the "relationship" that preceded it.

Actually Spike had taken the breakup better than she thought he would. There had been no yelling, no name calling; he'd just let her go. So she should be happy. That was what she wanted anyway, right: him away from her? He was evil, and she was good, and that just couldn't work. She just wished he weren't so damn sexy, and that it didn't feel so good when he... _Bad, bad Buffy_, she scolded herself.

"That osmosis working there for you, Buffster?" Xander asked, interrupting Buffy's musings.

"Huh?" she asked.

He indicated the book in front of her with a gesture of his hand. "Well, generally one has to actually open a book in order to read the contents."

"Unless you're a Vyark demon," Anya supplied chipperly. "Then placing your hand on the book would be sufficient to view the contents."

"Thanks Ahn, but I'm pretty sure that Buffy is not a Vyark demon and therefore has to do it the old fashioned way.

"Yes of course. The retention is better the old fashioned way anyway. A Vyark demon can only absorb so much information before it causes older information to fall out. And believe me, that can be a pretty messy process."

Willow looked up from her text. "You don't mean literally, do you? Wait! Don't answer that. I am almost positive I don't want to know."

Tossing her head slightly before burying her nose in her book again, Anya muttered, "Fine. Try and impart a little wisdom."

Buffy sighed. _Help me, please_.

A knock sounded from the door.

Lifting her gaze upwards, Buffy whispered "Thank you."

Anya's nose and forehead wrinkled slightly in confusion. "I know I put the closed sign facing outward," she said as she left her seat at the table and approached the door.

A young woman stood on the stoop peering in hopefully from behind the signs on the glass.

Smiling at the woman, Anya cheerfully called out to her, "We're closed, but please bring your money back tomorrow! We open at ten!"

"Please," the young woman implored loudly so she could be heard through the glass. "Tomorrow isn't good, and I'm not here to buy anything. I'm looking for someone."

"Looking for someone?" Anya asked with more than a little disappointment.

"May I please come in?" the stranger continued. "I won't stay long, and I'm not sure it's safe out here."

"Maybe you better let her in," Willow suggested. "If something happens to her, I'll have guilt for a long time."

Buffy took out a stake. "I have insurance. Just in case," she assured Anya, holding up the pointed wood as evidence.

Sighing heavily, Anya opened the door. "Of course it isn't safe out there. It's dark. You just better not be dangerous or threaten my money or I'm really going to get angry."

"I'm not dangerous. I promise. I just... I had to come after sunset...I think." She gazed somewhat nervously at the group as she entered. "Is someone named Spike here?"

"Spike?" Xander asked with a look of wonderment. "Why would you be looking for Spike? You do know that he's a..." Buffy kicked him under the table, and he turned to her with an exaggerated "Ow."

"Vampire," the woman finished. "I kinda guessed that from the gold eyes and the fangs. Not exactly normal." She hesitantly entered the shop as Anya closed and locked the door behind her. The group stared at the young woman for a moment, noting her rather ordinary appearance. She wore no makeup on her thin face, and her shoulder-length dishwater blonde hair was brushed but not styled.

Willow finally asked the question that no one else seemed to want to ask, at least out loud. "Why are you looking for Spike?"

Bolstered by Willow's question, Xander asked, "And why here?"

"I was told that he sometimes hangs out here. And I came to thank him."

"Thank him?" Anya asked.

The girl nodded. "Yeah. He kinda saved my life."

"He saved your life?" Buffy asked, her look surprised but somewhat encouraged.

"Are you sure you're talking about Spike?" Xander added.

"Yes." Then the young woman lowered her eyes. "Look. It's a long story, and I'd be glad to tell you, but I'm sure you don't want hear it. You look busy, and he's obviously not here, so I'm sorry I bothered you." She turned back towards the door.

"Wait, wait. We're sorry," Willow said. "It's just..."

"What you are saying is somewhat unusual," Anya supplied helpfully. "And a long story would keep us from doing research."

"Oh, sorry again," the young woman repeated.

"No, that's a good thing," Buffy assured her. "We could all use a break. At least I know I could, and this must be one heck of a story."

She nodded. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't been there myself."

"Please sit," Anya said, as she seated herself next to Xander, subtly pulling her chair a little closer to his. She indicated another chair for the woman.

Dropping her book bag from her shoulder to the table, the woman sat. "Well, it happened about a week ago..."

"What's your name?" Anya interrupted. "First we need to know your name."

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I always forget that part." She made a face. "I hate my name. It's Jane."

"I think it's nice," Buffy said.

"Well you would think so. You thought boring old 'Joan' was a nice name, too," Anya scoffed.

"Anya!" Xander scolded.

"What? She said she didn't like her name..."

Jane smiled. "No. That's fine. I like that she's honest, and it's hard to offend me, really." She shrugged.

"I'm Buffy."

"I'm Anya and this is Xander," Anya supplied before Xander could even open his mouth. "He's with me."

"And I'm Willow."

"Now, that's a pretty name," Jane said, smiling shyly.

"I like it," Willow agreed with a tilt of her chin. She furrowed her forehead. "Now please tell us your story, because as much as Buffy would like to stall..."

"You have work to do," Jane finished with a nod. "Okay, here goes. About a week ago I was having some hot chocolate at a coffee and book store downtown, and I started reading and lost track of time. When I came out it was dark, and I'm still not used to this town. I'm just here for the semester," she explained. "I took one off to earn some money to finish college."

"What do you do?" Anya asked, interested in anything that earned money.

"I work at the museum as a curator. In the Entomology section." After a small moment she added, "An entomologist works with bugs," as if expecting them to ask.

"Oh," Xander said, not looking or sounding very pleased.

"I know. A lot of people find it weird."

"Well, no, it's just Xander had a really bad experience with one once," Buffy explained.

"An Entomologist?"

"No a bug," Willow answered.

"Oh, sorry about that. They really are quite interesting and usually harmless," Jane assured Xander.

"You stick around this town a while and that opinion just might change," Xander teased.

Buffy interrupted him before he elaborated any further. That could be a distraction that definitely could take a while. "But please go on with your story. Though I kinda have an idea where this is going at least to start with. I mean, darkness, downtown... By yourself?"

Jane nodded. "Yeah I know, dumb, and I was walking to the bus."

"Not good," Willow said.

"No," Jane agreed. "I was hurrying, keeping myself alert for danger, but…

*********

Something wasn't right. Jane felt more than her usual unease, and she swore she could hear… yes, definite footsteps: just the softest crunching of gravel. Reaching into her back pocket for her knife, she briefly considered running, but knew that wasn't much of an option in her case. It would only make her more tired when her pursuers did catch her. She turned instead, surprised to see not one but three men behind her, and as one grabbed her, she distinctly saw something weird about his face. Her knife was knocked to the ground not a moment later, and the ability to scream seemed to leave her just when it should've kicked in. She shouted "No!" instead, kneeing one of the men in the groin and feeling gratified when he doubled over, groaning. The remaining two only laughed, however. Irrationally, she felt a flash of anger at that, but it passed quickly as fangs sunk into her neck. There was pain for a moment, but soon it was replaced more by unease, the feeling that she should be fighting but couldn't seem to do so.

"Now, why don't you let the lady go and pick on someone your own size?" A voice a little bit to her left said.

The vampire holding her stiffened a little, obviously frightened, though Jane couldn't figure out why. The man with the British accent looked ordinary enough, so… _Run_, her brain told her as the vampire loosened his grip on her. Her body didn't obey though. Dizzy and weak, she managed only a dozen steps before she leaned heavily against a tree, opting instead to sit against it before the flashes and encroaching darkness marring her vision took over. Passing out was the last thing she wanted to do right now. Instead, from her clear vantage point, she watched her would-be savior. Next to the other guys, he didn't look very tall. He was going to get creamed.

"Okay which one of you is first?" the new guy asked, his hands making a beckoning gesture.

"No way, Spike, there is no first," one replied, pinning the guy's arm on one side while his partner, apparently recovered from her previous kick in the groin, grabbed the other arm. They were obviously opting for teamwork.

The vampire that had released her in fear now looked quite pleased with himself. At least now that the other two had the guy pinned between them. "What are you doing here anyway, Spike? The Slayer let you off your leash tonight?" he taunted.

"I don't have a leash, but the Slayer did hint that she might buy me a nice leather collar sometime. With a little bell on it."

"Maybe she'd be better off buying you a nice urn." With that declaration, the vampire punched.

"Stop it! Let him go!" None of them seemed to hear Jane, though, being too engrossed in beating on the new guy.

Her mouth gaped as she watched the new guy, Spike's, face change. He was a vampire too? Oh this wasn't good. Who was she supposed to root for now?

Spike seemed to have had enough. Kicking the vampire in front of him in the jaw then slamming the two that held him together, he extricated himself and assumed a fighting stance. He immediately became the aggressor, and somewhere along the line, took out weapon, turning two of the other vampires to dust. In his beat up state though, the last and largest vampire was giving him trouble. The fact that he'd lost his weapon somewhere during the fighting didn't help either.

"Hey, you there, grab that branch!"

_He was talking to her? What branch?_

He was now pointing frantically as he avoided another ham-fisted punch from the big vampire.

Jane saw the stick and quickly scrambled for it, the motion bringing on a fresh wave of dizziness. She collapsed back against the tree, holding it and breathing heavily.

"Hold it up. Above your head." She did as he instructed. "Hold on tight, now," he added encouragingly.

Jane wasn't ready when the vampire was shoved against the branch she held, and the rough bark scraped her hands painfully. Coughing as the dust settled, she looked at her damaged hands and said, "Ow."

"Let me see, then." His face morphing back to his human features, Spike took her hands and turned them palm up. "You're right. That does seem to be an 'ow', but no worries. It won't hurt for long."

"Thank you," she answered, somewhat confused by his comment.

Spike sat down heavily beside her and pulled her partly into his lap. "Don't thank me yet, love, because I do intend to eat you."

*********

"Now that sounds like the Spike we all know and love!" Xander interrupted sarcastically.

Willow shot him a look. "But he didn't eat her, well, 'cuz... look." She motioned her hand towards Jane.

"I wasn't sure what to think at that point either," Jane admitted, "but for some reason, I was mad."

"That tends to be the general reaction Spike causes in a lot of people," Buffy assured her.

Anya looked somewhat puzzled. "Xander, you interrupted Jane's story just as she was coming to the exciting climax," she complained. She leaned conspiratorially towards Jane. "And he says I'm the insensitive one."

"The climax of the story is over, honey. All the fighting is done. All the vampires are dusted," Xander defended himself.

"According to you, it is over. But I can sense the actual climax is coming. Where the pace of the story changes and builds to a satisfying conclusion for both the characters." She nodded her head once, looking quite sure of her assessment.

"Um," Willow broke in nervously. "Anya is right. Let's let Jane continue with her story."

Buffy shared a knowing look with Willow. This could easily get into dangerous territory here. No one needed Anya to expand on the meaning of the word climax. That could only lead to badness. "Please go ahead with your story." She shot Xander a look, but tempered it with a smile. "Xander will be quiet."

Xander nodded with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, as if he just realized what he'd almost started.

Jane smiled, oblivious to the barely avoided danger, and continued her story. "Well as I said, I was kinda annoyed…"

*********

Looking at the vampire with an expression part disbelief and part annoyance, Jane couldn't help but feel momentary anger. _Of all the… "Well, why don't you just get it over with then? If you went through all this trouble just to eat me, then why don't you just do it already?"_

"You shouldn't want to rush, pet."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I can get away now, is it?"

He looked almost apologetic now. "Well, I can't bite you yet, love. I have to wait until you're dead."

"Why?" She couldn't help but ask.

He sighed like he might as well tell her since he's got time to kill and she wouldn't be alive to talk about it anyway. "See, these government blokes put this chip in my head that gives me blinding headaches if I try to hurt people. It's all X-files-like..."

"Sounds more like a Clockwork Orange-type thing to me."

Spike raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Never thought of it that way before, but I guess you're right."

Jane made a soft sound, almost a whimper. "Yay for me. Are you sure can't hurry this up? My hands hurt, I'm pretty sure I can't get away, and it's worse just sitting here waiting to die."

He sighed. "Sorry. Like I said, I can't hurt or bite humans." His face twisted then. "Well, except for one person, which is ironic really, because it's the one person in the world I would never bite, no matter what happened. Even if she held a stake to my heart, I'd die before killing her."

For a moment Jane looked into his eyes, but the pain she saw there and the heavy sound of his voice made the admission all too real and sad. She wasn't ready to see him like that. She didn't want to empathize with him. It would make it all the worse when he watched her life seep away and finally did bite her. Still she couldn't stop the words from coming. "Cuz you love her."

"Yeah. I do."

"But she doesn't love you."

Spike sniffed and turned her face towards his again. "How did you know that?"

"I could see it in your eyes." She looked away again, moving her face as far as his hand would let her. Uncomfortable with her thoughts, she tried distraction, though whether for herself or for him, she wasn't sure. "Been there, done that. It sucks."

"Yeah, that it does."

Jane shrugged. "She could change her mind."

Spike shook his head. "No. I can't change what I am."

The statement sounded resigned, and it mirrored her feelings as well. Begging for him to spare her life now would only give her false hope. When had that ever worked once someone had made up their mind anyway? Better to die with dignity. It sounded good anyhow. Better than the truth: that her resignation took much less effort, and that she was too tired now to fight.

Unaware of her thoughts, Spike was looking off into the night sky, continuing with his musings. "Only been two women in my unlife that I've loved. Wasn't evil enough for my dark goddess, and I won't ever be good enough for my light one." Bringing his gaze back to her, he furrowed his brow. "Hey, you're not supposed to be depressing me, here. I get to eat warm, fresh blood for the first time in a long while, so are you gonna hurry up and die or what?"

"I'm trying, but someone won't shut up, so I can do it in peace."

"Funny." He smirked.

"Thanks."

"Quite the smart ass, aren't you?"

"Always." She coughed then and took a deep labored breath. "But here, if you're gonna be like a kid and can't wait quietly." She held out her hand which was still covered with blood. Inwardly, she wondered what she was doing, but answered herself that she was resigned, remember? She might as well see him happy at least.

He shook his head. "I'll wait."

"Why bother? I'm gonna be dead soon anyway. I can tell."

"Cuz I might get all fangy and grrr, and you'll likely get scared or disgusted, and then you'll taste bad."

She didn't believe a word of it. "Liar. See, I'll even close my eyes." And then because it was so easy to do, she did close them and let the blackness take her.

*********

"And that's the last thing I remembered until I woke up in the hospital," Jane finished.

"How did you get to the hospital?" Anya asked.

"She obviously wasn't going to die, so Spike lost interest," Xander said.

"Well, that's the weird thing," Jane said. "I felt it..." She lowered her voice almost reverently... "death... coming. I was close. But Spike took me to the hospital. The nurse said so. She asked me where the blond man in the leather coat was that brought me in. She said he'd been pretty emphatic that I get some help, but then he was just gone."

Jane looked at the group and shrugged, but they all seemed to be at a loss for words. When no one said anything, she cleared her throat and concluded, "I don't know what happened. Why he changed his mind. I mean he seemed to be sincere when he said he was going to eat me." She wrinkled her lip. "Though he didn't seem as happy about it as he pretended he was."

"Just decided you wouldn't taste all that good, love."

Everyone turned to see Spike leaning against the wall near the basement stairs. "You forgot a few parts of the dialog, too. At least from where I came in you did."

"I did?" Jane asked with a little trepidation in her voice.

Spike nodded. "There was a little more to your 'Been there, done that. It sucks.' quote." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Jane blushed.

"Left that out on purpose, didn't you?"

She nodded.

"No wonder." He turned his gaze briefly to the group before returning to focus on Jane. "She made a little risqué comment concerning the last part of that quote. Something along the lines of it being worse than sucking, because sometimes... Well let's just say that I was impressed." He smirked and put a cigarette in his mouth. "It's always the innocent-looking ones that surprise you."

"I was a little out of it," Jane said, but she bit her lip as if she knew it were a lame excuse.

"Liar," he said, throwing her own word back at her, and somehow making it sound seductive. "Never met a dying girl so in control of her senses. Impressed me, you did. How you could keep up the banter, even till the end. What are you doing here anyway?"

It took Jane a moment to register that he had asked her a question. "I came to say thank you."

"Alright, you said it. That all?"

She shook her head slightly. "I also wanted to ask you... Why?"

"Can't answer that, ducks. Sorry." He hadn't even hesitated, as if thinking about it wouldn't help.

"Why not?"

"'Cause I don't know myself." He paused to take a smoke from his cigarette. "Oh, I could lie and say that there was some noble reasoning behind it, but everyone here would know it wasn't true. Most of them probably can't even bring themselves to believe what you've told them already."

"Hey, why were you looking at me when you said that?" Xander asked.

Spike ignored him. "So I'm afraid you'll have to go without an answer. At least for now. Anything else?"

"Y-you want to go for a cup of coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee..."

"Me neither," Jane interrupted him nervously, "but I know a place that sells good hot chocolate. They don't charge too much either, like most places do. I mean why should hot chocolate cost more than coffee anyway?"

"'Cause they think it makes it look like their cocoa is gourmet or something. Do they have little marshmallows where you go?" Spike asked.

"No, but we could pick some up at the little grocery mart on the way," Jane suggested hopefully.

"It's just not the same without the little marshmallows," Spike said.

"I agree. Marshmallows it is."

"Um, Spike," Buffy interrupted, and Spike turned his eyes to her. She saw that this time, he at least tried to make it nonchalant, not to let his feelings for her show through, but he was only partially successful.

"What now, pet?"

"Is there a reason why you came here?"

"Oh, right. Nasties gathering up in the old Madison warehouse downtown. I wouldn't go too early though. They'll be keeping an eye out 'til around midnight when the ceremony is, then they'll probably get too excited to be careful after that. That's how Hanshu demons are. Of course, there will be more of them then, but as long as you smash their urn, won't matter too much. I'll be by if you need me." He shrugged. "Should be done with my hot chocolate by then." He looked at Jane. "We gonna have some cookies, too?"

"I've got homemade ones in here." She smiled and patted her backpack.

"Thought you smelled like cookies the other night. Thought it was my imagination."

"I bake a lot," Jane explained. "The smell catches in my hair."

"Nice, it is," Spike said. "Come on then." He motioned with his head. "We'll go out the back."

Jane nodded. "Nice meeting you all, and thanks for listening to my long story."

"No problem," Willow said.

"Are you sure you want to go with..." Xander began, looking suspiciously at Spike.

Spike rolled his eyes. "You wanna give the girl all the warnings? Fine then, I'll be waiting outside the door right there." He pointed. "Not like I'm gonna eat her or anything. Would'a done that the other night. And I'm not gonna take advantage..."

"...Or you would'a done that already too," Jane teased.

Spike raised his eyebrows and stubbed out his cigarette. "Who's to say I didn't. You did pass out there for a while. Might'a copped a feel."

"Hey!" Jane said with affront.

"I was only kidding, pet..."

"...Most action I've had in months and I wasn't even awake to enjoy it," Jane finished with a smile. She blushed just a little, ruining her try at being a bad girl.

Spike chuckled lightly and pointed at her. "See, I told you about her," he said to the group, then looked back to Jane. "You're a funny girl. I like that." He headed for the back door. "I'll be outside if the gang here doesn't scare you off."

Xander waited for the door to close before he turned to Jane. "Just be careful. He may seem all charming and sexy, but he's really an evil monster. Vampires are like that."

"I saw what he was," Jane said. "I also know he saved my life, even though he didn't have to. He could have let the other vampires bite me. He could have let me die and eaten me himself. He could have left me in the park. But he didn't. And even if he had decided to eat me, he didn't have to talk to me and keep me company, or care if his face scared me. That last choice might not have been much, but it would've been better than nothing."

"Evil can be tricky," Xander said.

"I know," Jane said. "But if you are always expecting only evil from everyone, how can you see the good things in front of you?" She groaned. "Sorry. That came out like a bad fortune cookie. I didn't mean to say that. I meant to say that almost everyone's a little evil. I choose to encourage the good. Perhaps that belief will kill me some day." She shrugged. "I'd rather die happy."

"That's a very optimistic outlook," Willow said. "Well, except for the dying part."

Jane shrugged again. "I've already come close. Time to start living." She glanced at Buffy then took a second look, her expression thoughtful.

Buffy sensed Jane's gaze, and as she met her eyes, the Slayer had the feeling that Jane knew. Jane gave her an almost pitying expression, almost as if she thought that Buffy was missing out on something. Then she broke the connection. "Again, nice meeting you guys. Good luck fighting the... what is it? ...Hanshu demons tonight," she said. "I'll make sure to have Spike back to you in time."

"Thank you," Anya said, her tone indicating that she did so because it seemed the appropriate thing to do.

Jane smiled at her. "No, thank **you. And don't worry about me. It's just hot chocolate. I'm not gonna get in too deep." She smiled sadly. "Wouldn't matter anyway." She looked towards the back door. "His heart's already taken." She smiled politely at them again, dipped her head, and went out the back door to meet Spike.**

No one said anything for a long time. Finally Xander broke the silence. "Hanshu demons, huh."

"Well, at least we have a place to start now," Willow added. "I'll find out what kind of weapons you need, Buffy."

"Thanks, Will," Buffy said, and opened her book. At least for now, she had a problem at hand: something concrete to solve, something black and white. She only wished the rest of her life was that simple, but after tonight, she knew it was even less true. Soon she would have to face it. Soon she would have to think about Spike again, think about what tonight's experience had to tell her, and wonder if Jane was right.

"Ooh, here it is," Willow exclaimed excitedly. "Here's everything you'll need, which is neat because usually you have to look through several books to find..."

Buffy smiled at her friend, and said, "lay it on me, Will." Fortunately she could avoid thinking about it for at least one more night.

The End


End file.
